


Like the Red Sunlight

by Kazzy



Series: Doesn't Matter What You Own [2]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: 10 Things, Angst, Drama, F/M, Romance, Tissue Warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-25
Updated: 2013-08-25
Packaged: 2017-12-24 14:37:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/941147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kazzy/pseuds/Kazzy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nine things Tommy will never get to tell Laurel and one thing Laurel will never get to tell Tommy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Like the Red Sunlight

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer – I own neither Arrow nor the title (which are lyrics to Golden Dawn by Goldenhorse).
> 
> This is (very) loosely connected to "Nothing's Set in Stone", but you don't need to read it to understand this. And yes, there are spoilers for the season one finale.

-x-x-x-

1\. He's in love with her.

Or sort of. Sort of not told her that is, because there is no 'sort of' for the way he feels about her. They've said “I love you.” And he doesn't use those words lightly. Or often. Or at all. But there are different types of love and even someone as screwed up as him can identify those. For example he loves Oliver, but has absolutely no desire to take him to bed. Or Thea whom he mostly just wants to make smile and keep anything from ever hurting her again. But what he feels for Laurel is vastly different.

For so long they've been friends and that love is tied into the whole the picture but it's also a roaring fire that consumes. He wants to be with her, to sleep with her, to please her, to sit beside on the couch, to meet her for lunch and sit across the table from her at dinner. He wants to hear her laugh, to kiss her, to wrap his arms around her waist and have her lean against him.

She's an obsession and it's terrifying in all the best ways. The scent of her soap, the taste of her skin, the curve of her hips, the soft press of her lips: they are consuming. He wouldn't have it any other way.

-x-x-x-

2\. Love is something he reserves for a ridiculously short list of people.

His mom.  
His dad.  
Oliver.  
Thea.  
Moira and Robert.

Laurel.

-x-x-x-

3\. He's been in love with her almost as long as Oliver has.

And Oliver has been in love with her for a very long time. The two of them were very young when they began the force of nature that was their relationship. They always were unable to purge each other from their systems, bouncing backwards and forwards, around and around until they were both dizzy.

They were still one of the healthiest relationships Tommy was exposed to as a teenager. Which is probably disturbing on some fundamental level. Tommy learned to love Laurel because Oliver did – and even when they were at each other's throats Oliver assumed the sun rose and set on her. But then Laurel always seemed largely perfect, she is beautiful, kind, strong and willing to fight for those who need someone to fight for them.

Only Tommy's love for Oliver ever kept him from crossing that line and making her play for her (that and he wouldn't have known what to do with her had he won her).

-x-x-x-

4\. He knew she gave good head long before she ever went down on him.

Even though knowing is mostly certainly not the same as experiencing.

If she ever found out that he and Oliver had discussed her, oral sex and just how capable she is at it throughout the years, she'd make a frowny face at him. Then treat them both to a round of silent treatment.

Still. Worth it.

-x-x-x-

5\. He knows every stage of her relationship with Oliver.

How many times has he watched the routine fall into place? Forgiveness, friendship, sex, love. He knows the signs of when one is about to give in, when they're ready to hop from a to b to c, better than they know themselves. After all, they're both too tied up in each other to ever see their relationship clearly.

More than anything he's seen what happens to the people who get between them. He's seen people's hearts being broken, watched as Oliver and Laurel lock eyes and forget that there are other people who are involved.

Tommy has no desire to be that forgotten person left out in the cold.

-x-x-x-

6\. He remembers the first day of sixth grade.

She sat beside him, her uniform perfectly neat (when his and Oliver's ties had slipped before the first bell, shirts untucked), hair in a perfect ponytail with a pink headband. He remembers looking at her watching the teacher with the intense focus she would one day put into finding justice for the city’s abused. Later she flicked a glance at him and Oliver, lips in a slight pout.

He thought, “She's going to be trouble.”

-x-x-x-

7\. He can imagine spending the rest of his life with her.

Waking up next to her every morning is something that is both frightening and attractive. More than once in the wasted years of his life, he'd mentally scoffed at the thought of ever 'settling down'. He'd acknowledged that he might one day marry – his father has made a few noises about 'appropriate choices' – but couldn't picture the day that might arrive.

So he finds it disturbing that he can so easily see his life wandering down that path with Laurel. That she might be the only person he ever sleeps with again, that she is the one he comes home to (or she comes home to him), that he might do stupid 'old married couple' things with. That he might have children with. And he imagines their children. Pretty girls and handsome boys who are smart, kind and happy. Children who manage not to fall down the same pits as their parents, children who don't get completely screwed over by life. He wants to meet those children, to love them, to watch them grow up, to share them with Laurel.

But those are scary subjects and even if he knows he's not going to change his mind – he's always going to want that life with Laurel – he knows they're both too skittish to go anywhere near those topics for a long while yet.

-x-x-x-

8\. Naked is his favourite outfit on her.

Her state of undress is not his favourite of her qualities: her kindness, her smile, her dedication to helping those who need it most are all aspects that spring to mind. He loves her because she is Laurel not because she is beautiful (though she is).

But while her clothing hints at the body he knows is underneath and is tantalising in its own right, he loves being granted full access. He can trace his hands where he likes, make her hiss and curl into him. He can trail kisses down her stomach so she giggles and threads her fingers through his hair. When they are alone he can look, touch, drink in her body in ways that he's restricted from in public and that is wonderful.

-x-x-x-

9\. He leaves her because he thinks it'll hurt less in the long run.

He's wrong. Nothing could hurt more than this.

Every time he sees her it's a slap in the face. When she tells him she doesn't want them to be over, that they can still work it out, it's a punch in the gut.

Because he wants to go to her, wrap an arm around her waist, press a kiss to her lips and ask about her day. He wants to listen to her talk about whatever scumbag she's going after now and how much damage said scumbag has caused, how much hurt she's going to cause him. He wants to tell her about his day and have her tune out while she decides what she wants to order for dinner. Wants to sit on the couch eating takeout and watching a movie before going to bed early.

But he can't have any of that because he decided that it would be easier to walk out on her than have her leave him for Oliver. (And he's wrong)

-x-x-x-

1\. She might have chosen him anyway.

“Choosing” is such a horrible way to phrase what she feels. Especially as her relationships with either of them are not about 'better' or 'best'. This isn't a comparison.

Right at the very heart of the matter if she's honest, if she's asked, she couldn't claim to love Tommy more than Oliver or Oliver more than Tommy. Nor is it about passion or desire – she'd gladly take them both to bed, separately or at once. Her thoughts and emotions are so tied up with one or the other that if she were to leave them far behind they'd never leave her. Five years of Oliver being dead has proved that beyond all doubt.

What it comes down to...and she hates to use the words 'dependable' and 'safe', because if there's two words in the English language that as less suited to Tommy Merlyn she hasn't found them. But at the end of the day when she's curled up in bed, it's Tommy she pictures next her; Tommy who makes her feel safe, content, at peace.

But any decisions she might have made are taken from her and she and Oliver are left without any solid centre, bound by hurt and loss. Love isn’t quite enough to balance the grief but still keeps them tethered and she hopes it will be enough that one day they’ll both find peace. But that day seems to be eons away.

She misses Tommy.


End file.
